Giving thanks: Open adoption provides a healthy course for both families

By Jeanne Beechwood

November is National Adoption Month, a time to celebrate adoption and raise awareness of its life-changing impact.

This month, it should be recognized just how far the adoption world has come. Over time, it has blossomed into a beautiful and brave experience.

In the past, most adoptions were closed, meaning information regarding the birth parents was private. The process was thought to create a blank slate but it proved to cause more harm than good.

Now considered a healthier method, open adoption allows the birth and adoptive families to share identifying information and have contact with each other.

Today approximately 95% of domestic infant adoptions are considered to be open adoptions. Open adoptions can vary for each individual family and include some degree of shared information.

Belton residents Michael and Sarah Hanf have a blended family with three daughters. The two youngest daughters are part of an open adoption and are siblings by birth as well as adoption. The journey for the Hanf parents began after their 14-year-old daughter was born. “We went through several medical procedures and after five years, we were able to have our oldest daughter, Morgan,” Sarah recalls. Wanting to expand their family, but being told there would be a 3% chance of success to conceive, Sarah and Michael decided to pursue open adoption. The hard work was just beginning.

The open adoption process can seem like earning a PhD in parenting is necessary before you are able to adopt a child. The large amounts of paperwork to fill out make it feel that your own life is an open book.

The Hanfs initial attempts to adopt were met with frustration. Dealing with costs and being treated like just another number were discouraging. Finally they heard about an agency in Cape Girardeau, MO: the Lutheran Family and Children’s Services of Missouri. The non-profit provides foster care adoption as well as mental health, crisis pregnancy, parenting and child development services across the state. Upon meeting with LFCS, the Hanfs said they felt for the first time in their adoption journey that they were seen and heard.

“During the vetting process, we were able to meet with adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents. We learned about the birth mother’s perspective, “ Sarah states.

With the support of LFCS, the cost of the adoption was to be considered. Sarah and Michael are both respected school teachers. They reached out to family and friends for fundraising efforts, including a bake sale.

The Hanfs won the lottery twice in the adoption world.

While caring for their first adopted daughter as an infant, they received a call that there was a second infant available. The same birth parents had picked the Hanfs again. The Hanfs became proud parents of two daughters only 11 months apart. Both children were neonatal intensive care babies.

Each open adoption story has different chapters. Sometimes there is an opportunity to meet the birth parents before the adoption, and sometimes the scenario is different. In the case of the Hanfs, although they were picked two times by the birth parents, they didn’t meet them during the adoption process. They kept in contact with letters and pictures. (Sarah has made copies of those exchanges to give to the girls later in life.) Recently, after six months of planning, the Hanfs and their children met the birth parents for the first time at a local park on Father’s Day this past year. The adopted daughters know their birth parents as the belly momma and the belly daddy. Future get togethers are already in the works.

Michael didn’t realize how special open adoption could be. His own two sisters were adopted. Their birth mother was adopted. “Through the help of LFCS, we began to realize how special an open adoption can be,” says Michael. The young daughters, Olivia, age 7, Brooklynn, age 8, and their biological daughter, Morgan at age 14 are very happy.

Continued resources are available for the Hanf family and birth family through LFGC. There are numerous locations for LFGC and one in Kansas City. If you are one of the estimated 2 million people seeking to adopt, you can find information at lfcsmo.org or call 866-326-5327.

The Hanf family encourages you to not be afraid of adoption. Michael says, “While it is not for the faint of heart, don’t be afraid of it. Open yourselves to the possibilities.”

Written by Jeanne Beechwood, Artistic Director of the Martin City Melodrama and proud mother with her open-adoption daughter Cassandra.